You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
