so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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