i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
