Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
