If that was your dad, he is hot
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
