dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
