im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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