is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my being single is dangerous.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Randomize
