New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
