My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I am morally bankrupt
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
