Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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