Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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