yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
