There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
