I'm so fucking centered right now
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
