so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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