Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
