Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
