The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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