Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
