Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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