tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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