Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
