i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
