I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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