I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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