we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
