There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
