Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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