i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
