I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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