bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
false alarm. still invincible.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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