Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
