This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
