my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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