And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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