I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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