I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
