Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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