and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
