Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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