dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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