update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
