I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
