I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
