I have demons in me.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
