I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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