heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
