I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
