We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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