I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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